t’s hard not to compare ourselves to other people who appear to be so similar to us, yet have such different circumstances. Small minds discuss people… I know this is petty of me, but this gets the better of me sometimes.
Take a girl at work, just returning from three or four weeks off for glandular fever and two weeks of holidays. Today, from a safe ‘I’m on immune suppressant I’m not coming near you’ distance I welcomed her back and filled her in on what I’d told one of her clients while she was away, and she said ‘now I know what you feel like with all the blood tests’. I hate that. You don’t know how I feel. Another person with crohns doesn’t know how I feel. I don’t know how you feel. I don’t know how my fellow crohnie feels. All I know is that today, at 25 years of age, your Mum and younger sister came and accompanied you to a blood test, because you can’t do that alone. (& for the record, my petty self asked how many goes it took them to get a vein – first go each time – if you have not experienced digging… can you really comment here?)
All I know is this. Since being diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in May 2013, and then that changing to crohns in April 2014, I have:
– shoved enemas up my backside
– taken 24+ tablets a day
– gone through more than 7 scoping day surgeries
– learnt to inject myself in the stomach, then coped with the reactions to those some 6 months later
– been put on, and reacted badly to, anti-depressants
– gone to the ER and spent two nights in hospital
– gone to the GP more than 50 times
– had two MRIs on my stomach with foul drinks beforehand
– gone to the hospital to have infusions and had them digging in my veins to put a cannula, so far 6 times
– had so many damn blood tests that I can’t count, my wallet can’t count and that I am on a first name basis with half the staff in my capital city
I know I have it lucky compared to so many, but my chronic disease is not your food poisoning, glandular fever or flu and I’m damn well sick of y’all comparing your symptoms to mine. I’m happy for you that that’s the worst you’ve ever experienced and I hope it stays that way… I just don’t know how you manage to skate through life and others, like me, get a chronic disease, through no fault of their own, and have to deal with all of this. I’m just tired. I’m so tired.