If he asks about me… lord I’m rocking… 

Six years ago I made a big decision. I broke up with the guy everyone thought, or at least pretended (thanks Mum & Dad) would be my Mr Right. People used to ask us when we would get married, have kids – and he didn’t run away screaming so… He wanted the big wedding (me not so much). 

He was alright I spose, he was quite smart and kind, but there was so much that grated on my 20 year old nerves – the ability to coast through his life (late to lectures and failing subjects left right and centre even though he was smart), the laziness, the selfishness that I blamed on his only child status… 
I’d tried to break up with him once before, to be told that I was too emotional and I wasn’t allowed to break up with him because I clearly didn’t want to. We’d been going out for five years, a quarter of my life by this stage. My god I was young. And stupid. Self, if you ever want to break up with someone in the future, you go right ahead, you are allowed to do anything you want (that’s not illegal), you hear me? 
It took going to your friends wedding and sitting across from him at a table for four or five hours, day dreaming of ways to strangle him, it took tears in the wedding reception bathroom, by yourself, when it hit you, bloody hard to be honest, that you couldn’t see a future with him at all and you actually dreaded it. You dreaded your future, and you haven’t done that since then, not even after a chronic disease diagnosis. It took a night, crying yourself to sleep, while he slept next to you, to work it out and that morning there was no turning back. 
It took guts. There’s no denying knowingly breaking someones heart sucks. He cried, I can’t remember – I think you’d outcried yourself by then, he pleaded for you to ‘sleep on it’, ‘that you were just tired and didn’t mean it’, ’emotional from the wedding’… He pleaded and threatened and near stalked you for months and you stayed strong. You stayed strong even though you were near on caving, up until he threatened to kill himself. After losing one of your best friends, a father figure, at sixteen (while in the relationship) you realised how far he had stooped and how little he respected you to say that. 
You might not have dated yet (have you even really talked to a guy since 2011?) but you know now what you didn’t know for sure that day, you’d rather be alone than be in a relationship you didn’t want to be in, you are strong, and probably most importantly you now love yourself. It was one of the best decisions you’ve ever made. 
Don’t fret, last I heard he’s doing fine – he had a daughter with his partner a few years ago. 
But if he asks about me, Lord I’m rocking! 

– The Cadillac Three 💙


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