Ticking

Today a family friend told me my clock would start ticking soon, as she shook her head at me. My line has always been that no I won’t have kids. I’ve been on medication for crohns, seriously rough medication, for three years now. All of these warn of impacting my fertility, and we’re assuming I’ll even meet someone in time.
I would like kids. One day. I’d like a partner too. Do people honestly think I want to be the third wheel on the whole family and live at home for the rest of my life? I’m fine being single. I’m not out there chasing down guys on the weekend desperately trying to find Mr Will Do.
All the girls I’m friends with are in relationships. This is new. The first time they’ve all been ‘shacked up’. It’s unrealistic to think this would never happen, but I never thought about it. My bestie is busy. She’s going on adventures with someone else. She’s sending me snapchats out to lunch with someone else. I don’t even know how to meet someone.
When I was in high school I thought 26 was the year I’d have my life together. The guy and a career and a house and a family in the pipeline. Ha. I’m about to turn 27. I’ve got the career – you know, I’m working on the ‘final’ qualification, or I will be in a few months when it fits in my schedule. I live at home. We’re (Mum, Dad and I) working on moving me out to a kitted out shed – so that I have more space, but… I’m two metres from the backdoor.
My health (& the associated health bills) are not in control. They’re best described as out of control, haphazard, when you need them least. I’m not about to be able to move out anytime soon. Some days I can’t look after myself. Some days my pharmacist or specialist tells my Mum she needs to check on me and make sure I’m conscious because the medication has a side effect of putting people in comas. A coma for crying out loud! I wasn’t on it long, nothing bad happened, except y’know the complete sleepiness all the time, the fog that sleeping medication to counter other meds causes. It’s this kind of chaos that I live in.
The clock ticks. Not just the body clock. The alone clock. The travel clock. The house clock. The career clock. The bucket list clock. The clock ticks so loudly sometimes it makes me nauseous.

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